She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize