Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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