I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
