i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize