does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Help me help you realize you are a moron
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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