glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
