you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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