I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize