Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
