I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
