sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
