I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
