Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize