I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize