You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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