She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need to sanitize my soul.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
