Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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