I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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