So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I've blown a few things in my day
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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