like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
