Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
