you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
