In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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