I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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