if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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