I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
