I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
