My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
