Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
