you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
