that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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