chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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