went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
