His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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