My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
