Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
