Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize