you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
