There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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