great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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