If that was your dad, he is hot
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
