The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My feet surprised me
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