I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm going to jail i love you
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
