Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
