i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
