When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
