i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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