he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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