I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
