what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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