real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
