I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
