just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
