Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
