mondays should just be called national damage control day
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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