i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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