Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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