One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
