I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
