she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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