And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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