whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
