can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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