My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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