How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
