It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
