We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
