You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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