Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
