You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
