her vagine was all disorganized.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
