so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
