Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
