Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
