Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The struggles of a small town man whore
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
