Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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