I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
