whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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