Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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