I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
