I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
