Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I supernannyed him into submission
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
