maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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