It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
