I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
