8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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