New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My pussy is not your playground.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
