You can't special order awesome
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
A+ Viking dick
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
