My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
