how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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