Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
