The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
