So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
