While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
