Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i think i just lost a toe
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
