Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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