You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
