goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
