Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
