HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
