the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
There are leaves in my underwear?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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