Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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