Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
